Thursday, June 13, 2013

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love


Overall rating:  
This book explains adult attachment theory. According to Amir Levine and Rachel Heller’s, the writers, research there are three types of attachment styles: avoidant, anxious, and secured. Each of these style definitions is intuitive. Avoidant people believe that intimacy is a loss of independence; anxious are usually preoccupied with the relationship and worry about the ability of their partner to love them back; and secure people are the ones that feel responsible for providing happiness and stability to their partners, feel comfortable and seek intimacy, usually are warm and loving, and for the most part do not play games.
For me it was very interesting to know about this theory and these attachment styles. The book addresses how to spot each style in the people we meet and how to not let our own attachment style boycott potential good relationships.
Of course the book does not address all questions. For example, I wondered as I read the book, if attachment styles could vary depending on the partner. In other words, was it possible that partner A behaved avoidant with partner B, and secured with partner C? The writers suggest that our attachment style is mostly stable during our adult life, and at the same time, it is plastic meaning that certain behaviors could be modified or controlled to obtain more satisfaction of current or potential relationships.
The message was clear. I believe this book could be helpful for everyone regardless of gender and relationship status. For people in a stable relationship, knowing about attachment style theory could help understand each other, take things less personal, and mold the bad habits so both partners become satisfied in the relationship. For people who are looking for a partner, attachment theory is very useful to on one hand, spot early on those styles that do not match, and on the other hand to know their own symptoms of either preoccupation, desire to flee, or the need to get close, and use / modify them to their advantage in building a new lasting relationship with the correct partner.
This book is available in paperback and Kindle.
Applicability to real life: ★★★★
Comprehensibility: ★★★★

No comments:

Post a Comment